My Personal Documentation
One of the reasons I’m choosing to write this is to document this for me to re read 10 years from now. Whether this sound ridiculous now or not the means in which I care of that of negative 0.
Finding You
Over the course of the past 7 years after turning 18 ( I’m almost 25 now) a lot has happened and I’ve not only met a long of great people and mentors but my experiences have not just shaped me as an individual today. But it has allowed me to find my voice as a person. Not in a sense in how I can affect others although that is a bi product but mainly a voice of who I am and what I enjoy doing as an individual. You tend to think you know who you are and what you like before reaching the age of 18. Through child hood you develop a friend group, figure out the foods you enjoy eating, whether you enjoy studying , if you enjoy running outside and playing with your friends, what instrument you like to play, the list goes on and on. But lately I feel as though you really start learning who you are once you step out of high school. When real life starts to come into play and all of a sudden you don’t have a safety net or a structured day to follow. Where you don’t have to see the same people day in and day out. Where you get to choose where to live, how to go about life, how much money you’re gonna spend today etc. That list as well goes on and on. Granted some of us live with family and if you live in Hawaii, 8/10 individuals are going to live with family due to the cost of living here. Which changes the dynamic for some in this learning process called life. If you live with family there is nothing wrong with this. But that also means you may not be living your fullest life where you can make mistakes and learn from them. Great example. If you live alone or with a roommate the only person who is going to judge you for eating a whole cake for dinner is your roommate and that’s easy to tell them to go fuck themselves ( I abuse this phase often) as you devour your dinner cake. Now if you live with family, you probably won’t make that same decision. Mainly because well you’re one going to get scolded or two get called fat by someone you love and that’s pain you’d rather not feel. Again that’s not for everyone but this is an example of the concept I want to portray.
Screwing up More often
This is the portion I have been blessed with as an individual. I tend to be a rather unlucky individual sometimes. Although there’s a lot of more unlucky nature out there who tend to have things way worse than me. For me myself I have just been lucky so to say to constantly mess up often. In all actuality I really suck at everything at the beginning. Doesn’t everyone? Not necessarily. The only reason I can attest to this properly is because I have had the privileged to work in 8 different locations, 5 different companies, and meet and work with over 300 individuals since 18. Some people new to companies catch on quickly even for their first jobs. Whether that’s sales, stock, cleaning dishes, waiting table, hosting, you name it there are individuals that exceed quicker than others. My first stock retail job I got taken off the schedule for two weeks for messing up in two different areas and my boss didn’t want anything to do with me. I was the slowest bus boy at cheese cake factory and couldn’t remember table numbers to save my life. I always dropped glasses and plates. My first supervisor position my associates hated me for being a not so pleasant supervisor. I couldn’t sell for beans and was the lowest sales associate for the longest time. Back when I was a janitor for my school at 15 my boss wanted to fire me for not being able to clean classrooms properly. I have been bodybuilding or 6 years now and I have the results of a 4th year lifter. The list goes on for me. The only thing I have going for me is I’m not willing to quit until I have reached a better me in that area. Which makes me ask questions constantly and try constantly. Because I know my own ability isn’t enough therefore I have to find a way through others. Which works for me because that’s how I have always been. I’m definitely not saying that is the only way to go about life but for me for who I am as an individual this works for me greatly. It has been the best strength that I have found for myself. Which has helped me find who I am and what I am about. To me this has been the greatest factor in life for me to find who I am. Your journey as an individual will look different than mines. But a common mistake I see is people being too afraid to make those mistakes. Whether that’s scrutiny from others or a fear from themselves not being able to move forward past it. Ultimately causing one to never make a step forward. Granted for some of you, you are happy and content and that’s all that matters in life. But if you’re not then maybe its time to reflect on that a little.
Caring, not Caring but still Caring Standstill
IE. The definition of the past 7 years for me. Here is what killed PersoniusFitness for me. But to start PersoniusFitness was a means for me to help others achieve their fitness goals. Get leaner, healthier, confident, or stronger. Which was basically just my last name then fitness because I lack originality for a business name. This was also me at 19. I got so concerned with how I felt about others opinions, I started then stopped, then started again then stopped again. Got scrutinized by my peers as a joke and slowly faded away. In reality I didn’t know what I was doing. But that wasn’t my mistake. Even if I had continued and kept trying I could of gained a better understanding of what I was trying to achieve. Which would of led me to have a better understanding of my community as well. Unfortunately I decided to hide rather than do and consider quitting all together. I cared too much about everyone’s perception. Whether I would take an L or not should not have been my concern. Picking a path and running with it should of been my top priority. Not feeding around the bush would have gotten me so much further. But here I’m not so concerned about the time or which something may or may not happen. I’m finally doing this for me and me alone. Of course my community in mind but ultimately these choices needed to be made by me. I will not be bringing Personius Fitness back but in the future it may be called something else. But for now I just need to do me and do what I wanted to do. For what will come next I cannot say but all I can say is watch and see. I’m running this blindly and seeing where it takes me. All I know is if I pour my heart and soul into everything I do; I don’t have to worry because I’m at least happy with my decisions as an individual and to me that the most important thing.
My Voice
For the longest time I have been trying to find my voice for who I am and what I am about. Which in reality it was right there in front me the entire time. It was my story as an individual going thigh life like so many others are right now. The people I have met and the things I have done and achieved. But more importantly what’s happening today. That is my voice because that is me at the end of the day. I shouldn’t be sugar coating it or being fake or trying to be someone I’m not. That’s what creates my voice. I don’t know how I ever managed to miss that for so many years. But for me this is the life I choose and I choose to walk it with who I am not what others expect of me. Really this again is just a log for me. if you happen to read through the entire thing thank you. If you only read a portion thank you. It means the world to me knowing people see my content and I just want to thank you for that. I will leave it here until next time Peace out.
Steven Personius 